I do still wear stuff sometimes.

I swear. I actually do. Here’s the mega-upload of things I’ve been storing on my computer for…oh, god. Months, now.

jacket: Urban
dress: Anthropologie
belt: Rebecca
socks: so very old
wedges, which have now been sent to the great shoe store in the sky: MRKT

It’s interesting to look back on photos from even a couple of months ago, before everything sort of went crazy. I guess, for awhile there, I felt like I was trying to juggle too many personas (personae?)- and it was pretty overwhelming.

I think this is a universal thing, though, with social media the way it is- constantly trying to present parts of yourself that will be well-received or seem nice or unfettered or unworried or unpanicked by the very real thing that is day-to-day living.

dress: Urban
belt: vintage
wedges: TOMS

Because even though things may have changed in big-picture ways, things rarely change day-to-day. The trash still needs to be taken out. It is still Metrocard day right as I’m missing a train. The guilt of not reading the pile of books in the “to read” pile still stares at me every day.

…except, everything is different. I’m grappling with this a lot right now, with the transition from what I thought would be to what is. I guess this is the constant crux of adulthood.

trousers: Madewell
tee: Fluxus
wedges: Gap
scarf: from Merl

And of course, none of this means that I am not over-the-moon ecstatic 99% of the time. Because I am. Seriously, bonkers, absurd, crazy happy. It is more than I ever thought. It is different.

It is more responsibility. It is creation and preparation and preservation of all kinds, all at once. It is feeling responsible to more people than ever before, and figuring out what that means for my life. It is no longer just my family and Boyfriend and my friends and agents. It is more people now. I am grateful for the more people who take a marked interest in my growth as a person and a performer. INCREDIBLY grateful. It is beyond. It is everything.

skirt: H&M
tank: Urban
belt: vintage
wedges: Gap
puppy: adorable

Secret: I am a very very shy, anxious person. I rarely want to ruffle feathers. I never want to be the person anyone is worried about. I want to show up early, stay late, and work really hard the entire time, all the time. I’m not sure how much of that actually comes across on the blog, but it’s all true. I wish I was a bit bolder.

Velma is trying to teach me to be bolder, to make bigger, ballsier life choices, to fight harder for what I believe in. I am trying to learn from her, but sometimes she scares me a little a lot. She’s telling me things, though. Loud and clear. I am slowly growing. I am finding my personal power.

I think.

I’m not sure if any of this made any sense, or if any of this is anything of interest. It’s just a collection of throughlines and thoughts from the last month and a half, with my entire backlog of outfit photos thrown in to the mix. It will force me to take new outfit photos, and that’s really what we’re about here, right?

also? I own entirely too many pairs of wedges. Maybe that will be a post all on its own.